The emotional labor of being an executive director
Last week, mid print, my printer ran out of ink. Naturally, I was in a hurry. I was being impatient with the printer and, as we all know, this is when your printer decides to stop working.
It got me thinking. When the printer ink in the office printer runs out, whose job is it to order more? If you're in a small shop, is anyone even assigned this job?
My guess is that it's your job. But ordering the ink is just the tip of the iceberg. The printer doesn’t magically refill itself. Someone is paying attention to when they’re running low and when they need to purchase more refills. And believe it or not, that’s WORK. That anticipating, that planning. IT IS WORK.
As an ED, you anticipate and identify the problem. You decide on a course of action. And you monitor how things are going. It’s a CONSTANT process. So in this post, we’re diving into the emotional labor of being an ED. We’ll also provide five ways to manage your invisible labor, including how to empower your team to support you.
Prefer to listen? Check out the podcast:
What is emotional labor?
A few weeks ago, I went down a TikTok rabbit hole as I learned more and more about this book called Fair Play by Eva Rodsky. The book talks about the division of labor in a household and helps you make the invisible labor more visible.
Who's monitoring all of the tasks to ensure your household is a well-oiled machine? Researchers at the American Sociological Review call this mental work “Cognitive Labor.” Cognitive labor can be broken into four parts:
Anticipate
Identify
Decide
Monitor
Think about your soap dispensers at home. It’s not that the soap dispensers magically refill themselves. Someone is paying attention to when they’re running low and when they need to purchase more refills. And, believe it or not, that’s work. That anticipating, that planning—it’s real WORK.
While the videos I binged were all about household chores and the invisible labor of women, I couldn't help but think about the parallels I found with the work of Executive Directors.
Emotional labor as a nonprofit leader
As an ED, you anticipate and identify the problem. You decide on a course of action. And you monitor how things are going. It’s a CONSTANT process.
It’s not just one single thing. It’s for ALL the things.
Thank you letters
Donor stewardship
Events
Social media
Email marketing
Donor phone calls
Board meetings
Not to mention…
Committee management
Program management
Staff and Volunteer recruitment
Staff and Volunteer management
For every single one of these responsibilities, the final task is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much anticipating, identifying, planning, and monitoring that goes on below the surface. AND IT IS CONSTANT.
No wonder you’re exhausted, right?
So….when EDs juggle 17 ticking time bombs at once…and can’t figure out why they can’t get everything done… it’s because you’re doing invisible labor. Labor that isn’t seen. Labor that’s not marked on your calendar.
And here’s the thing: your Board members, volunteers, and staff don’t see your invisible load. People only see what you HAVEN’T done…
You haven’t posted on Instagram in three weeks.
Your last two grant applications weren’t accepted
You’ve missed a few emails
So, when your staff member follows up on that message—you know, the one you promised to respond to—you wonder Why didn’t I just reply?
The reason? You have so much more going on than you realize. My hope with sharing all this is to help you to be more patient with yourself. There are days you feel like you’re not doing the best you can—but you need to realize there’s a lot of mental labor going on.
How can you manage emotional labor?
Now that you have a better idea of why you feel pulled in every direction all the time, what can you do?
1 ➜ Recognize the extra load you carry.
I’m all for a positive affirmation or reframing your thoughts, but sometimes it helps to call it what it is.
The fact is: you carry an invisible burden. Recognize it and understand it.
You aren’t exhausted because you’re disorganized.
You aren’t tired because you’re incapable.
Here’s where patience for yourself comes in. You juggle, navigate, and strategy so much more than you realize. Take a moment to recognize and appreciate all that you carry.
2 ➜ Accept that thinking is REAL WORK.
I know it sounds funny but, why do we assume thinking isn’t a part of our jobs? Is it because we can’t “see” thinking? Is it because it’s not on our calendar?
Let’s clear this up right here and right now. Thinking is work.
Don’t let toxic capitalism tell you otherwise. Work is NOT only about a final product or output. It’s about chipping away at ideas, dreaming up long-term plans, and strategizing. That’s real work.
My guess is that you enjoy the strategizing and planning—that’s probably part of the reason why you took on this role, or why you created an organization. So setting time aside to strategize and plan almost feels like you’re getting away with something. Cheating. Because you kinda enjoy it.
Remember how I put mental health weeks on my calendar? That started because I was feeling like I was going from one meeting to the next, and every meeting added another 20 things to my to-do list. What I realized was I needed more time to think. Space to just be—and plan for my business and all the things I want to do.
When you go from one meeting, to the next, to the next, you don’t give yourself enough time to think (let alone implement what you set out to do!).
3 ➜ Make brain time a priority.
Brain space isn’t a luxury. When you are a leader of a nonprofit, your people are counting on you to steer the ship. They need you to lead.
So do me a favor. Block just ONE HOUR next week. Put one hour of white space on your calendar, when you are allowed to do nothing but sit with a notebook and pen. You’ll be amazed what ideas and solutions pop up. Stay still and remove the noise to let your brain do what it does best.
4 ➜ Empower your team.
You will need support from your team to protect your brain time and take tasks off your plate. And that’s great news! People want to help. The problem is: they often offer help in a way that’s not very helpful. It often sounds like…
“Let me know how I can help.”
“I’m here if you need me.”
I don’t know about you, but neither of those statements are very helpful. My brain adds “someone offering help” as another task on my to-do list. I feel more stressed out. What should I delegate to this person? I’m such a bad manager. Why haven’t I delegated anything yet?
Or, worse, I brush “ask for help” aside because it’s easier to do the task myself. I’m already doing XYZ, so I don’t need to worry about asking for help right now.
Not to mention, you feel so busy you’re not even sure where to start delegating. Or—when you finally try to delegate—your team member is already at capacity so you have to do it yourself anyway.
Here’s the solution: give your team the language to offer help.
What can I take off your plate?
What can I do to support you right now?
What words do you need to hear?
Share these questions with your teammates as a great starting point for offering help. You can also model these questions in your one-on-ones, making sure your team knows you’re here for them too. (I’ve gotten feedback that it works for my team here at Small Shop!).
5 ➜ Find a community.
Why struggle alone when you can thrive in community instead? You need a group of peers to turn to when times get tough. A community you can lean on for advice, support, ideas, and—of course—a little bit of tough love when you need it.
So where do you find your community? Some ideas:
Free virtual communities
There are plenty of options on Facebook. Take a peek at ED Happy Hour for starters.
Nonprofit networking events
Networking isn’t only for job seekers; it’s a great way to build lasting professional relationships. Look on Eventbrite for local and virtual networking opportunities. Connect with other EDs and see if you can set up one-on-one coffee chats.
The Productive Executive Director (obviously)
When I say you don’t have to do this alone, I meant it. The Productive Executive Director exists for small shop EDs just like you. There are other EDs out there in your shoes—so lean on them!
Being an executive director is a constant process of anticipating, monitoring, and planning. Recognize the emotional labor you do. Follow these five steps to find some balance in your work:
1 ➜ Recognize the extra load you carry.
2 ➜ Accept that thinking is REAL WORK.
3 ➜ Make brain time a priority.
4 ➜ Empower your team.
5 ➜ Find a community.
Let’s keep the conversation going, shall we?
I know there’s a lot more to cover on the topic of emotional labor; we’re barely scratching the surface here. If this post resonated with you, will you shoot me a message on Instagram @smallshopstrategies? I’d love to connect and hear what you think!
