Why you need to learn to say no (like...yesterday)
Saying no is HARD. You want to be known as someone who is dependable, capable, and has all their ish together, but you feel like you’re letting someone down or falling short when you say no.
I have this conversation with Executive Directors all the time.
If you want to be an effective ED, the word “NO” needs to be a part of your vocabulary. (Or if “no” feels too harsh, at least a soft version like: “Maybe next month,” or “Let me get back to you on that.”)
But I digress. Let’s walk through the art of saying no together:
Know the difference between urgent and important.
Your mission comes FIRST.
When someone is asking you for something, our temptation is to drop everything and help them. (After all: we went into this business to SERVE people). But, what does saying YES to last-minute requests mean for your organization?
What happens to your 90-day goals?
What happens to the needs of your beneficiaries?
What happens to your consistency?
You’re not prioritizing your strategic plan if you’re saying yes to last-minute requests. Your big plan for the year becomes an afterthought—once again.
To have a bigger impact, you NEED to make progress every single day towards your goals. And that’s not necessarily spending a surprise 1-hr brainstorming session on the phone with your Board President every other day. Your mission—your beneficiaries—must come first.
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Emails and meetings aren’t emergencies
All requests feel urgent. But here’s the thing: they usually AREN’T. In general, emails aren’t time-sensitive. And neither are meeting requests. So here’s how to protect your time as an ED:
Stay out of your inbox (unless it’s blocked on your calendar).
Avoid last-minute meetings.
Things come up, sure. But protect your energy, protect your projects, and protect your sanity. If someone requests a last-minute meeting, always check your day’s priorities first before agreeing to meet. Overall: try to get your default answer to be “Maybe next week,” more often than “YES.”
And if you’re feeling some resentment when someone asks for something, it’s probably a sign you need to set some stronger boundaries.
Know your limits.
Do you know how much bandwidth you have? The answer is probably something like: What’s bandwidth? If you’re already stretched too thin, you’re doing your organization a disservice by adding yet another thing to your ever-growing list. One way to check your bandwidth: are you feeling anxious and super stressed? It’s probably a good sign you need to dial some things back.
Here’s an example:
How many times have you said: “Sure! We’ll make it work!” then you get off the call and think Why on earth did I do that?
Let’s say you have this board member. She’s always got great ideas up her sleeve—and knows just what to say to get everyone on board. At the last meeting, she says, “Why don’t we organize a 5k in August?” And all you can think is location—vendors—registration—volunteers—
Not to mention that panelist event you’re running the same month… And you’ve barely exhaled before the rest of the Board is suddenly in agreement: a 5K is happening. And you’re nodding along like this new initiative makes complete sense.
Next time, instead of agreeing to make it work, here’s what you need to do: avoid saying “yes” too soon.
Even if you don’t know your limits on the spot, you can always say, “I’ll have to think about that, let me get back to you.” It won’t feel comfortable, but it will be worth it. Besides, saying “Let me get back to you,” gives you some breathing room to gather the courage to say no.
Always be courteous.
Love me a solid “ABC” rule. Always Be Courteous. Remember to be kind, no matter how stressed you feel. Gentle no’s are my favorite kind of “no’s.” Here are some workarounds when someone asks for something:
When someone is trying to set up a phone call ASAP, and you can’t today, send them your Calendly form.
When someone wants to launch a last-minute event, gently suggest you shift it to next quarter after your mid-year campaign is over.
As our pal, Brene Brown always says, clear is kind. So don’t push something off or ignore a request when you know the answer is no. There’s also nothing wrong with saying yes later. It’s much safer to be cautious than saying yes to anything and everything all the time. Trust me.
Saying “no” is strategic (not selfish)
Pause before you say yes. When unchecked, “yes” takes away from your beneficiaries. So before you agree to take something on, walk away from your desk. Look at your priority list and your calendar. Then respond with confidence, knowing you are being intentional and strategic.